A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way

October 4th, 2023

It would be a lot easier to feel good about ourselves if we only saw sunny days, full of success and achievement. Unfortunately, that's not how life works. So, how can we see the rainbow after a storm? In other words, how can we learn to love and see the beauty in ourselves during times of failure?

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the positive evaluation of ourselves. It is often in comparison to others and is heavily influenced by social feedback. For instance, winning a competition or receiving praise can boost your self-esteem. On the contrary, losing or receiving criticism can lower your self-esteem. As you can see, self-esteem can easily fluctuate depending on the circumstance. As a result, it can be challenging to maintain a high self-esteem throughout all the ups and downs we experience. Self-compassion, however, can help us develop more stable feelings of self-worth and is especially important for coping with failure.

Self-Compassion

Unlike self-esteem, self-compassion is a more inward perspective of yourself. It allows you to see yourself more clearly, identify and evaluate your weaknesses, and move past failure with an effective focus. Self-compassion's three main pillars are self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. A person high in these three elements will have high self-compassion.

Self-Kindness

Illustration of a radish character with hearts on its cheeks.

Self-kindness is accepting your mistakes and failures and treating yourself with warmth and understanding. Essentially, treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat a friend.

Common Humanity

Illustration of two radish characters smiling at each other.

Common humanity is recognizing that you are not alone in your experience. Everybody experiences suffering, pain, and failure. It is viewing your experiences as part of the larger human experience.

Mindfulness

Illustration of a radish character that's meditating.

Mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts and feelings. It involves acknowledging all your emotions and letting in both the good and the bad. It is not overly identifying with, avoiding, or repressing painful thoughts.

Benefits of Self-Compassion

Better mental health
More optimism
Better sleep
More social connectedness
More intrinsic motivation
Better stress management
Less self-criticism
Decreased rumination
Less fear of failure

Building Self-Compassion

There are many practices that you can incorporate into your life to help you build your self-compassion! Dr. Kristin Neff's self-compassion website features a variety of really great self-compassion guided meditations and exercises.

3 comments

Emily

Thanks for sharing this valuable message! It's easy to compare ourselves to others and seek validation from our achievements.

Taylor

This was a great reminder about how important it is to be kind, patient, and understanding with ourselves. After all, we're only human!

James

So glad I saw this post. I tend to be extremely hard on myself. I think I could use a little more self-compassion.